Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Letting people lose honourably

We were grappling, I had side mount. My knees where tucked under his back. My hands were locked in a gable grip behind his right shoulder. He was squirming a lot trying to get out of the posistion I had got him into.

The whole time he had been successfully preventing me from getting full mount. But, I was patient. I was waiting for a window of oppurtunaty to show itself.

The window showed itself, I jumped over his legs and got to the full mount posistion. Good, now I play the waiting game again and try and tie up his arms. I faked grabbing his left arm for an arm bar. He defended, I then grabbed his right arm, swung my left leg over his head locked his right in and proceeded to hold on waiting for him to give up and let go of his arm.

This is where I'm going to pause my story.

My whole life has been spent getting into battles in different situations and waiting for the other to give up. I can be very very persistant. I pride myself of this quality. But, winning has eluded me.

So why has winning eluded me? Well, I'm very persistant. But, people can be very stubborn. As the old saying goes "they'll cut of their nose off to spite their face".

So, I'm locked in this battle. He has grabbed his arm that I had almost locked in a arm bar and is holding on. There is no way out of the lock I had on him in. I knew this and he knew this. I thought he would realise this and just let go, there was no way out. But, he wouldn't. I held on and pulled at his arm but, he was stubborn and wouldn't give up and let go.

Pause.

If I beat him by sheer power and strength, it will humilate him. He doesn't want to be humilated and is holding on. Not only to not lose, but to keep his sense of identity. He doesn't want to be humilated because another person has overpowered him. Some could say he should realise that he has lost and just be humble enough to give up. But, he's not a Buddah and has problems.

I'm getting tired, holding on is gassing out my arms and legs. I need to finish this quickly. Up until this point I had been directly challenging him. I needed something else.

I had to let him give up and also keep his honour. So, I started picking at his fingers and pushing the hand that was holding on. Eventually his grip lessened slightly and I capatilsed and pushed his hand off and locked in the arm bar. He tapped out and I won.

So what changed? I'm very sure he could of kept holding on for a while longer. So instead, I gave him an excuses to give up. I was allowing him to have a honourable way out by attacking his grip. I was no longer directly challenging him.

I won, but he saved face. It was a Win/Win situation.

If you want to win and the person your dealing with is being stubborn. Stop directly challenging them and give them a excuse to conceed. If you can allow someone to save face while getting out of a situation they will usually take it.

Go for the Win/Win.

3 comments:

  1. I like it. Winning isn't about making the other person a loser.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Win/Win = me coming to read your blog and you having blogged ;-)

    ReplyDelete

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